I'm not a people person, but I like parties.

I'm not a people person, but I like parties. I recently discovered (approximately 37.2 seconds ago) that I don't have a fondness for people. If I meet you, I probably will act like I don't like you, because I'm afraid you don't like me. And I want you to like me, but I will often second guess your positive feelings for me. Because I think I may have done something you didn't like, or something to offend you. And I don't want to do that. I really do want people to like me, but I'm too afraid to truly be myself and allow them to like me, because I'm scared they won't like me anyway.

And even if I try to be who I am around you and you don't like it, I'll think it's my fault. Because I must have done something wrong for you to not like me. I'm pretty sure this all adds up to a frozen girl on the outside. But I think I'm pretty sunny and warm most of the time. I'm not a cold person, but I will be quiet and very un-katiecupcakeish at times around people I get negative or potentially negative vibes from.

I do like parties. Probably because the only parties I go to entail me being around my favorite people. I do have favorite people. I do have friends. I have wonderful, amazing friends whom I am myself around and whom I have confidence around. And that's why I go to parties. To see and interact with the people I love dearly. But I need to love everyone dearly. And a lot of times I don't know what that looks like on the soccer field, or at school, or even in my own home.

Maybe I should focus on my own feelings about myself, I can't change any one's mind for them. All I can do is improve my attitude. I'm going to try. Try to be warmer and more receptive. And have a positive attitude about everything I do that involves people. But sometimes people truly don't like you. And they don't even have a good reason. I guess I can't worry about that. That should be something they handle, not something I worry about.