Dear Love

Dear Love,

I must begin this letter with an apology. Forgive me for disgracing you and falling short of the spectacular action of loving. There is very little in my life that is love. Forgive me for trying to understand.

Love, you are elusive. Beautiful. Dangerous. Healing. Abusive. Honest. And yet these are only words: only adjectives to describe something so beyond words, and yet so close to them. You confuse me Love, or maybe I'm only blundering over myself. I'll stop trying to define your characteristics myself, after all, I have no idea spawned from my own head that depicts you correctly. Love, you are patient, kind, you do not envy or boast, you are not proud. You are not rude or self-seeking, you are not easily angered, and you keep no record of wrongs. Love, you do not delight in evil; you rejoice with the truth. You will always protect, trust, hope, and persevere.

Love, you can do all those things. Shouldn't you have more friends? You are so perfect, why do people disrespect you? Why doesn't everyone want to hold your hand, stand beside you, and be wrapped in your arms? Love, they take your name in vain. They throw around tired phrases and exhausted cliches. You deserve so much better.

Love, what are your plans and ideas? Where are you going and what will you do? I'll never be able to fully understand you. I'll never be able to embrace the trust and care that you are, Love. I wish I could just grasp you. You're everything I need, Love. More than that, you are what I need to be. You are the best role model. Oh, Love, what do you want me to do?

Love, you really shouldn't keep coming back to me. I don't even deserve to speak your name. I have never done anything worthy of you. I can only pretend. I have my own ideas about you, Love. I have been judgemental of you and at times decided I didn't really need you. I thought my actions were enough. But they were nothing without you, Love.

I saw you the other day. I stumbled across you really. I didn't even have the decency to say hello at the time, but now I remember. You were there, in the corner of the classroom. And in the hallway. I saw you stoop to hand a student his papers, and you were late to class because of it. I saw you yet again when someone lost their pencil; she was so worried and flustered that she wouldn't be able to take an important test, and you handed your only pencil to that girl. You had to struggle through the next class, and remember the notes in your head.

Did you know we live in the same neighborhood? I had forgotten. You were next door today, helping a young woman catch her runaway dog. It was cold and windy, but you never yelled, gave up, or left her. You stayed until the beagle was safely home. I've realized now you are everywhere I am, except in me. Love, I promise to look for you more often, I know I will see you.

Vulgarity made fun of you last week. He called you coarse names and pushed you. You faced him and asked if he'd like to strike you again. But never were you cynical, or sarcastic in your reaction. Your eyes were clear and your face inquiring. No scorn or contempt, no tease or jest came out of your voice.

Love, can you teach me? Allow me to learn from you. I will try to allow myself. You're all I want and all I need, and I didn't take that line from a song.

I will try, Love. I will try so hard to be like you. I will find ways to serve and believe, but it will take time. I promise I will try.

Sincerely Yours,
katie