Relationships create and support almost every aspect of my life. I spend my free time with my friends because those people have taken the time to know and understand me. Living with my family had built secure and strong relationships with the people I trust most. A stream of my faith in Jesus and my belief in His teachings runs through every relationship I have. Jesus ties my whole world together with His love and care. As a church-goer since before I emerged from my mother’s womb, I grew up in a culture that stresses having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, however difficult fostering such a relationship may be.


I decided to entrust the saving of my life to Jesus at the age of four. I sat behind a couch and asked Jesus to come into my heart and take me to Heaven to be with Him when I die. At times, I have explained this action as one that could not have had substance and authenticity. After all, children do not seem ready to hand their lives to a person of whom they seem to lack understanding and knowledge. And yet, Jesus names children as the example of faith in the gospel of Mark:

“One day some parents brought their children to Jesus so he could touch and bless them. But the disciples scolded the parents for bothering him. When Jesus saw what was happening, he was angry with his disciples. He said to them, ‘Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children. I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it’” (Mark 10:13-16 NLT).

The belief of a child does not ask questions. Children do not seek to disprove ideas and thoughts simply because they seem a bit wonderful and lovely; they embrace lovely things because they know that something as beautiful and encompassing as true love does not merit questioning. I have grown to believe that my acceptance of Jesus came out of simple, unadulterated, guileless faith in something that, especially as a child, I understood in its purest form.

I grew up in the baby nursery at Calvary Baptist Church. Then I graduated to Primary Church. I sang in King’s Kids, the children’s choir. My father, an Elder of the church, and my mother, person-in-charge of the Pioneer Clubs ministry, raised me on Jesus and vegetables. Loving God and following the Bible has always shaped my life. Therefore, listening to the stories of others completely flipping their lives upside down for Jesus has, at times, made me slightly jealous of their journey. I want to know what it feels like to stubbornly resist Love and suddenly realize I need it. I would like to experience the mentoring and guiding from another and then feel the gratitude toward them for helping me reveal the God I am built to worship. Then I think about my life and the other parts of it, the parts that do not resemble a cookie cutter quite as closely. I firmly believe that God gave me the situation and upbringing I have because I am meant to be the mentor, the seed-planter, or the friend. I know not only that Jesus craves for all of us to passionately love and serve Him by introducing others to Him, but also that He makes us all distinct and with distinct purposes. Because of this, God means for me to take my childhood and embrace it in order to show the people around me a little bit of what Jesus looks like.

I do not know if I can summarize my relationship with Jesus succinctly. It is always shifting from one place to another in my mind and actions, rising or falling on my list of priorities, and losing or gaining attention in my life. I think the actions of seagulls on the beach can adequately describe my relationship with Jesus most of the time. Seagulls constantly circle beachgoers looking for leftover or forgotten food. They steal food that no longer looks appetizing; they settle for someone else’s leftovers. Seagulls take whatever they can from the people around them because readily available tidbits of sustenance hold more appeal than the work it would take to catch a fish. Despite the fact that an entire ocean full of nourishing, wholesome food waits only a few feet away, seagulls ignore the bountiful source of food for the easy-to-grab, coarse meals of the beach. I am the seagull. I constantly look for easy-to-consume and easy-to-forget pieces of this world instead of longing for and searching for the juicy, fresh morsels of God’s kingdom that I could have, if only I did a little work.

Another way to describe my relationship with Jesus Christ comes from the Book of Hosea. God speaks through Hosea to say “’A spirit of prostitution leads them astray; they are unfaithful to their God’” (Hosea 4:12 NIV). The opposite of following Jesus and having a relationship is not rejecting any belief in Him; the opposite is following something else and putting another person or object before God. I commit adultery against Jesus all the time. I put my family and friends before Him. My schoolwork and pleasure reading take precedence over reading the Bible and praying every day. Wishing to change my life and the way I treat Jesus will never actually fix it. I hope all the time that something will change; something will suddenly click in my mind. Relationships do not have anything to do with things, though. Relationships involve people and their emotions for and actions toward one another. So the thing that must change is not a thing at all; it is a person: me. Fortunately, I, unlike the seagulls, know what waits for me in the ocean.

Ways do exist with which to strengthen my relationship with Jesus. By attempting to make every single thing I do an expression of Jesus or an act of building my relationship with Jesus Christ, my connection to Him can expand to include all parts of my heart and life, as a proper relationship should. Jesus calls His believers to surrender their lives and hearts to Him, and I have this burning desire to do so. I just need to remember what Jesus wants from me and what I want to give Him all the time. Prayer and study of scripture also strengthens a relationship. The more one knows about someone, the closer of a relationship the two can share.

I continue to work at my relationship with Jesus, even as I write this. I will never finish the work that I started at the age of four. My desire to continually remember Jesus and include Him in every aspect of my life drives me to analyze, to reform, and to submit the parts of me that need changes to the only One who irreversibly purifies and cleanses that which requires such aid.

When you carve your name into the sand at the sea, the sand that's soft and squishy, the kind that is easy to  change and pull, you are carving your name into the very earth on which you stand and breathe. But the waves will come, the waves are inevitable. The waves will wash away your name. No one can stop the waves. We try. We fight the waves until we can not feel the bottom of the ocean any longer. And when we lose that touch, when we lose the tendril of a toe that keeps us there, keeps us where the waves have no effect, then they sweep us back to the sand, back to the land, back to where our names once were and have now washed away. The waves take us back to the place where we must carve our names into the soft, temporary sand once more.

But if we take our finger, and if we choose sand farther from the sea, the drier, firmer stuff, our name may last longer. The waves will try, nay, they will desire to slowly erode the trenches of the k and then the a and then the t and then the i and then the e. The waves must wait though; you've chosen stronger ground. They can not reach you yet. But the tides change and the waves stretch their greedy fingers. Fingers that will fill every crevice, every line of our person, and rub it out trying to make it less personal, less original. Less a part of us and more a part of the rest of the flat, dispassionate sand.

But if we simply stand on the shore, and keep our eyes straight ahead of us, we will never see the sand at our feet, only the world before us. If we attack that world, if we charge into that broiling churning mass of foam and the unknown, we might forget to write our name in the sand. We may reach the end of the ocean without ever telling another what we accomplished and where we have gone. Do not despair, for there is Someone else who will write our names for us, in much greater stuff than sand.

See that gorgeous girl on the left? That's my best friend.

A Few of the Beautiful People Around Me

He's standing on the black cylinder that goes with an Indo-board. (I don't know what it's called, but he probably does. He knows a lot of things and he'll surprise you by talking about about a topic you never expected to come from him.) But he's just standing on it, as if it were a tree stump, or a rock, or whatever else makes you think of something sturdy and solid. He's brilliant. That's the adjective I have for him. His creativity is unique and his mind will follow paths none other could design. He can be pretty ostentatious. He's the boy old people glare at in the store. But today I saw him hold a little boy's hand and listen patiently to a story.


The world's definition of beautiful wouldn't include her. Because she isn't bronzed, buff, and bootylicious. But I don't think she wants to be. With a small nose, large eyes, and refined features, she delicately put together, and she's beautiful. The fact that she isn't on the cover of Glamour or Vogue isn't even worthy of the title "minor detail." She's quiet and intriguing. She makes you wonder who she is, and it's worth it to find out.


Where does one start when they speak of this boy? He's the guy everyone knows and likes. If they don't like him, they don't have a good reason. They couldn't possibly have a good reason. People love him because they want to love him. It's not that's he's the world's biggest suck-up. He's just that charismatic and that fun and that...everything. You choose to love this boy. You choose to love him because his selflessness is almost tangible, his humor is the kind you smile at when you'd rather not, and because he's the real-life best friend of your dreams.


You see short and tiny and think quiet. Well, she is kinda quiet. But in the soft spoken not barely spoken way. If you ask a question, expect a thoughtful but blunt and simply put answer. To look at her face is to see innocence. It's like a dictionary definition of rosy cheeks and wide, wondering eyes. That's her beauty.


He can be a little silly, a little out there. All that goes to great use though. He's really creative and his abilities with technology are a big heaping serving of help to those around him. And he's willing to help. He'll do things for no compensation, no reward. I truly believe he would do all your laundry, clean your whole house, pay a couple bills, and never, ever tell you.


This girl. Well, she's gorgeous. Tall and thin and beautiful. But that's all I can say about her outward appearance, I don't want to waste any more time on that. If she were an appliance, she'd be a cotton candy machine. Always in the middle of the party and making people smile. She's just hilarious. But she's also the girl you call in the middle of the night because you can't sleep and you need someone to talk to. She's my best friend, and she's beautiful.


I think this boy matures daily. Talking to him makes me feel young and foolish sometimes, though he's younger. I don't know what it is about him. Maybe it's not something about him, Maybe it's just him. But I think it's the God he follows, chooses to follow, and his desire to tell you about it.


I'm always learning something new about this woman. She's a daredevil. I mean, I don't think she's ever jumped off a cliff or tried to hold her breath underwater for like, 3 minutes or anything like that, but she's always trying new things. She wants to learn and grow through experience. She's beautiful. She welcomes people in her home ALL THE TIME. All the time. ALL the time. That kind of warmth and pleasure in simply serving others is g-o-r-g-e-o-u-s.


He's a helper. What I mean is, if you need help, with anything, ask him. He'll say yes. He seems like he'd love to say yes, as if he's been waiting to help you, as if he wants to help you. The thing is, I believe he really would love to help you, he really has been waiting, and he truly wants to help you. I think I know one other person like that. Maybe. This kid, well, he's awesome.


She always wants to smile. Always. She wants you to smile too. And you will. You could try not to, but I don't know why you would. She's got some tough stuff in her life. Tougher than I've ever had. But she's still bright and bubbly and beautiful. She can't help it. She embodies joy. IT IS WHO SHE IS.


He's hard-working. He does what he enjoys, not just what he's good at. He's easy to listen to and easy to talk to, like the big brother you want. Spending time with him is relaxed and simple and pressure-free. Like you're sitting with a person who already understands and won't ask you to explain your life, just to enjoy the small part of it you spend with him.


Goodness gracious this girl, no, I say, this woman, is intelligent. She's a good student, but she's more than that. She just knows. How to handle her self and her life, how to lead and how to follow, how to sing and how to dance, how to love and how to heal. She knows how to, and she's good at it.


It's hard to talk about this boy. Usually I have tons to say about him, but just now, it's hard to find the right things to say about him, and the right ways to say them. When I spoke of the other Beautiful People around me, I saw only their assets and wonderfulnesses, but I've seen so much of this guy that everything comes to mind. The good the bad the terrible the great the beautiful and the ugly. He's taught me sooooo much, and one of the best things I've learned from him is that humans come with lots of ideas and issues. But mostly, they come with hearts. And to me, that's why he's beautiful.


If there were ever a human that I could intellectually sit at the feet of and just listen in awe, it would be her. Her profound statements and views about life, love, and Jesus amaze and astound me. Her ability to interpret and articulate Scripture is sweet and refreshing to hear. Your ear taste-buds really will drink it up. She's ravishing.


He's a teacher and a leader and a boss and a giant step-taker. but I think he's also a student and a follower and a worker and a baby step-taker. I think he'd prefer if you viewed him that way. The love he holds for his wife and family is something to aspire to. Yes, he holds love. In his hands. He'll give it to you when he can, because that's what he believes in and wants to share with you.


. . .

These are just some of the Beautiful People around me. There are so many more, but I'm afraid one of my flaws might be my inability to do everyone justice. I couldn't possibly tell you about the Beautiful People I know.
Funny how when you say "beautiful" kinda slow and drawn out, the first part sounds like "Bee-you." So be you. All of you, be you. Don't be anyone else, because I see parts of your beauty the way you are. I wish I could see all of it. I wish we all could see each other's complete and whole beauty, but I think that privilege is reserved for the non-humans among us.
Thank you for letting me write about you, even though I didn't really ask in the first place. I learned today (and all the other days it took me to finish this delicate post). Thank you, for being beautiful.